Can i insist on a party for my significant birthday?

A reader asks

I have a significant birthday later in the year and have dropped hints to my daughter that I’d love a big party.

As far as I know she hasn’t done anything, except she’s mentioned a couple of times how busy she is with work.

I feel hurt by her priorities.

Dear Disappointed Mum, parties mean different things to different people.

For example, there are those who want to leave a party as soon as they arrive. That’s me. Then those who love to be the last to depart. To add to the fun these two sorts are often married to each other.

Then again there are those born with a clipboard attached to their backside who simply adore party planning. And those – like me again – who would rather put hot needles in their eyes than become involved in organising a night of fun and games.

All the evidence so far suggests your daughter falls into this category. I can’t be sure because at the moment you two are involved in a lively game of mother and daughter shadow boxing. You’re hinting you want her to fix your celebration; a party with bells on.

She, meanwhile, is reminding you that’s she’s very busy at work. I am guessing the reason this nonsense is continuing is because you fear her turning you down. While she is hoping you will realise that her life is very demanding and she hasn’t the time to indulge you.

Therefore, you can either ask her outright and live with her response. She might refuse and, yes, that will be hurtful. Or don’t ask. Instead accept that while your daughter has many admirable qualities, longing to sort a bash of a lifetime for you isn’t one of them.