How to help a redundant husband – Anne Robinson advises

A reader asks...

My husband was made redundant about a year ago and seems to have embraced an early retirement. He is not even trying to get a new job and his inertia is driving me mad.

While I understand that it’s difficult to start a new job in your sixties, I only work part-time and it’s not enough. We can’t afford holidays now, or even restaurant trips with our friends.

This is not how I envisaged my later years. What do you advise?

Anne Robinson's reply

I am not a miracle worker. Nor are you.

Your husband has been dealt a massive body blow. One to shatter his self-confidence and reduce his self-worth to zero. Life for him is about as much fun as standing at the entrance to a cul-de-sac and seeing wild horses coming the other way.

He needs to know you are on his side and willing to help

I am not known for ever advising women to mollycoddle their men, so I am not suggesting you buy a nurse’s uniform, either for practical or pleasurable purposes. Equally, I don’t believe there is anything useful to be gained by addressing his inertia with brutal home truths.

Let’s take much smaller steps.

A year on from receiving the shocking news that he no longer has a job, there remain two large elephants in the room: your wobbly joint finances and his lack of motivation. I don’t believe you can go far wrong by cooking his favourite meal and tactfully raising both of these.

He needs to know you are on his side and willing to help. The problem, after all, is as much yours as his. Kindness and generosity of spirit rarely go unrewarded. You might be astonished how much your gentle intervention causes him in a small way to shift his ground and perhaps acknowledge that he and you are in a pickle.

Your husband finding the wherewithal to look for another job might be your dearest wish. But that is your long-term goal.