Now I'm furious

Judith Wills / 14 March 2014

Judith finds that the path to mindfulness is a lot more stressful than she thought.

'Disgusted from Tunbridge Wells', that famous writer of angry letters to the newspapers, was bound to have been slim.

USA research published a few days ago finds that regularly feeling outrage can help us to stay slim by reducing the amount we eat and drink. I would also add that it probably speeds up one's metabolism a bit and helps that way, too.

So far so good – if you happen to be prone to weight gain.

But on the other hand (there's always an other hand, isn't there?) another piece of news released a few days earlier by Harvard University, shows that getting angry increases the chance of heart attacks by fivefold.

Which might explain why we've not read any letters from Disgusted recently … perhaps he or she has popped their clogs. But I don't think so – I think they have simply started meditating instead.

I'm not an outwardly angry person, I tend to bottle it up, but since I began the mindfulness meditation, recently I've definitely changed my anger spots. Who knew that meditation can wind you up? Although I can now sit for several minutes contemplating nothing much and keep my eyes closed as well, when it's over, I feel like a tightly-wound spring let loose and looking for something on which to vent negative energy.

I've been aiming kicks as the cat (unheard of until now), pinching my husband's upper arm, as I know how easily he bruises there, shouting at cold-calling wine merchants on the phone for bothering me when I told them back in January I wouldn't be wanting any more wine until May at least, as I've given up alcohol. OK that's a lie, but it's the only way to get rid of them in the short term. Telling them you can get the same wine cheaper from Tesco Wine by The Case doesn't work at all. Oh, and I've been screaming, too. Actual ear-piercing screaming – I even shocked myself. It started when I'd cleaned the kitchen floor because the estate agent was coming round and then I spilt a carton of milk all over it, and it felt so good (the screaming not the milk) that I screamed again the next day when I got a rose thorn underneath my fingernail. Well you know how painful that is. Husband was shocked, as he's known me for 43 years and he's never heard me scream before.

So what with the anger, and the meditation, which is supposed to ease cravings, and the having given up sugar (well nearly), I should have lost loads of weight this week, but I've lost only half a pound. Never mind, I'll persist with it all, as I'm an optimist and my theory anyway is that the mindfulness is releasing this anger as it knows it must be good for me to do so. And if I can lose weight by any ways that don't involve too much hunger or calorie restriction, then I'll take the increased heart-attack risk of shouting a bit on the chin.

Not least because only last September, Harvard University released another paper telling us that those who bottle up their feelings are at least a third more likely to die young than people who regularly express what they are thinking.

Hey Ho.

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