Life after divorce

Julia Faulks / 11 August 2015

Going through a divorce can be a rollercoaster ride, but once the dust settles there could be more opportunities than ever for you to achieve all the things you felt you couldn’t do while you were in your marriage.



Focusing on the positive and leaving all of the stress and sadness behind following a divorce isn’t always easy to do, especially if you feel as if you’ve lost confidence in yourself.

“People have many different fears following a divorce and what I do is work through each fear; fear of being alone, fear a new life, fear of dating, and so on,” says Nick Seneca Jankel, relationship coach and author. “It’s so much easier to blame, shame and complain – the opposite is to be responsible. You could look at this time as terrifying or exciting and none of those is right or wrong, it’s just a frame of mind,” adds Nick.

New career opportunities

Your whole lifestyle may need to change following a divorce. For example, you could find yourself in a position where you need to relocate or get a new job. “You will need to find the confidence again to go out there and find a job and meet new people. That can be quite challenging, but it’s a good opportunity to pick up on something that you used to really enjoy,” says Dr Sherylin Thompson, Counselling Psychologist.

Learn new skills

The time that you spent investing into your relationship could now be time you can spend on yourself. So whether it’s learning an instrument you’ve wanted to play for years, or living abroad for a few months to learn a new language, it’s worth reminding yourself that learning new skills isn’t just for the younger generation.

You may also want to consider volunteering or mentoring. This can give you a great sense of pride and satisfaction in your abilities and help you to focus on a more positive way to spend your time.

Build new friendships

Many people find that sometimes following a divorce friendships can change quite dramatically. This means that you may need to build up your network in a different way. So whether it’s finding a new hobby or revisiting something that you used to enjoy, now is a good time to think about the things you can start doing for yourself and reconnect with the things that make you happy and make new friends in the process.

Dating after a divorce

Although daunting, especially if you feel you have forgotten how to go about it, dating can be a great way of building up your confidence – when the time feels right – not to mention give you the companionship you may crave. At the same time, it’s a good idea to enter into new relationships with some caution, especially the online dating world, warns Dr Annie, author and relationship coach. 

“Dating websites can be rough places – if people find you boring at any point along the journey, they just disappear. So that is not a way to build your confidence, it’s often more of a way to knock your confidence,” she adds.

To ease you into online dating read our guides to writing your online dating profile and dating after divorce.

The opinions expressed are those of the author and are not held by Saga unless specifically stated.

The material is for general information only and does not constitute investment, tax, legal, medical or other form of advice. You should not rely on this information to make (or refrain from making) any decisions. Always obtain independent, professional advice for your own particular situation.