Is my husband having an affair?

Julia Faulks / 16 July 2015

Worrying about whether your other half is having an affair can be a lonely and stressful time.



If your radar is picking up on something then you need to think about how you can approach your husband and then what you are going to do about it.

Whether you’ve been in a marriage for a long time or it’s a new marriage, feeling vulnerable about what your husband may be getting up to may not always be a figment of your imagination. But at the same time, you need to think about why you are feeling insecure in the first place.

Unfortunately, these days it is easier than ever for people to find themselves in a compromising position. Many of us own more than one digital device, we have numerous social media accounts, busy lifestyles, and often there are work commitments that take us away from home for days at a time.

Signs your husband may be having an affair

Stereotypically we think of a man coming home with flowers or being overly nice when they have been up to no good. While this may be true for one person, it certainly doesn’t mean that your husband has been doing the dirty on you. 

“A lot of people will say ‘I kind of knew that something was going on but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to know the truth’,” says Denise, a counsellor with Relate

“If I have a couple in the room with me and it is the man who has had the affair, the woman is very much more concerned about what intimacies they’ve shared and the emotional connection: where did they go, what did they eat, what kind of things did they talk about? For a man he is more interested in whether there has been any sex involved as well as many intimacies,” she adds.

How to approach your husband about an affair

It is easy to go in all guns blazing, but this is only going to result in an angry confrontation. You may struggle to find the right time to approach them and think about putting it in an email or a letter, but this isn’t always the best idea. The most important thing is that you find this time to open up the lines of communication in a face-to-face setting.

“Not having time to talk only happens when a couple is no longer prioritising their relationship and taking each other and their relationship for granted,” says Nick Seneca Jankel, relationship coach and author. 

“At some point if it is not working someone needs to say that it is not working, we need to talk about it and this is the most important thing in our life. Bringing that into awareness and saying that things are not working for you and that you need to speak about it or go to counselling - that in itself is a massive sign that things are already beginning to shift,” he adds.

The opinions expressed are those of the author and are not held by Saga unless specifically stated.

The material is for general information only and does not constitute investment, tax, legal, medical or other form of advice. You should not rely on this information to make (or refrain from making) any decisions. Always obtain independent, professional advice for your own particular situation.