TV reviews: Neighbours: The Finale and The Commonwealth Games

The Commonwealth Games, Thursday 28 July – Monday 8 August, BBC One, Two and Three

It’s quite the summer of sport, so if you’re not a fan, the best thing for you might be to go and spend a few weeks lying down in a darkened room. Actually, given the heat, that might be an idea for all of us.

Anyway, after Wimbledon, The Open, Test Cricket, Women’s Euro 2022 and the Athletics World Championships, we have what is undoubtedly the biggest sporting event of the summer when the XXII Commonwealth Games open on Thursday evening in Birmingham.

The Games will take place from 28 July to 8 August, and will feature over 5000 athletes from 72 nations (everywhere from Anguilla to Zambia, as I’m sure you already knew). The biggest Commonwealth Games ever will feature 283 events across 24 disciplines (everything from aquatics to wrestling, as I’m sure you already knew). And, for the first time ever at a mutli-discipline Games, more medals will be awarded to women than men. The games will also feature para sport alongside mainstream sport for the first time.

The BBC is showing over 200 hours of live coverage across BBC One, BBC Two and BBC Three so, if you want, you can watch sport from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep, which may explain why my wife has chosen this particular time to book our family holiday. I suppose she’s only saving me from myself. Eleven days solid of sitting on the sofa eating crisps and drinking wine would probably take its toll on me after a while.

There are also up to 11 live streams on iPlayer and the BBC Sport website, as well as coverage on the red button. Presenters include Hazel Irvine, Clare Balding, Gabby Logan, Jason Mohammad, Holly Hamilton and Ayo Akinwolere, while every night will see a highlights programme on BBC One presented by JJ Chalmers and Isa Guha.

Among the athletes to watch from the home nations are Adam Peaty (swimming), Dina Asher Smith (athletics) and Max Whitlock (gymnastics) from England; Laura Muir (athletics) from Scotland; Rhys McClenaghan (gymnastics) from Northern Ireland; and Jake Heyward (athletics) from Wales. The overseas contingent will include world class athletes such as South Africa’s Caster Semenya (athletics) and Kyle Chalmers (swimming) of Australia.

The whole shebang kicks off with the opening ceremony from Birmingham’s Alexander Stadium, showing live on BBC One, presented by Clare Balding. The show has been masterminded by Steven Knight, creator of Peaky Blinders, so presumably it will showcase Birmingham’s rich cultural heritage by focussing on violent crime and criminal gangs of the early 20th century.

After that, there’s the Parade of Nations, which makes for riveting television, provided your idea of entertainment is watching people walk around in a big circle behind a sign that says St Kitts and Nevis. Then there’s the Competitors’ Oath, followed by the finale to the Queen’s Baton Relay, which has been on a 90,000 mile journey through every country and territory in the Commonwealth.

And after that? Let the games commence.

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Neighbours: The Finale, Friday 29th July, 9pm, Channel 5

And so it comes to an end.

After 37-and-a-half years and 8883 episodes, the denizens of Ramsay Street are closing their doors to viewers for the final time.

I’ll admit, I’ve not watched Neighbours for a long, long time. And, like a shrimp that’s been left on the barbie for a while, it was probably time for it to be put to one side. And yet I find myself strangely bereft at its passing. (The show, that is, not the shrimp).

Neighbours played a big part in my youth. I still remember the race, at 1:30pm, to get the treasured seat on the sofa in the break room at school for the daily fix from Melbourne. If you didn’t get a sofa spot, you had to crowd in at the back. Every afternoon, the room would be full, with pupils sitting on tables or standing, for 25 minutes of unadulterated nonsense and cheesy melodrama.

Later, when I went to university, I would normally get up in time for lunchtime Neighbours (I know, I know…) On a particularly lazy day, of which there were many, I would then make sure I caught it again at teatime. Who says youth is wasted on the young?

After that, I drifted away from the show for a while, only to rekindle my affair about ten years later. Working at Channel 4, I had a TV on my desk (it’s a miracle I ever got any work done). My lunchtime routine involved a sandwich and a visit down under. After particularly gripping episodes, I would call my cousin, Sophie, for a debrief. You might see this as a peculiar waste of time, but Sophie has gone on to become a supremely talented writer and director (of Netflix show Sex Education, no less), schooled, perhaps, in the ridiculous soapy confection that we shared together.

So I watched the last, double-length episode, with a slight lump in my throat, and a lifetime of memories. I was worried that I wouldn’t have a clue what was going on, or who anyone was, but it seems that the producers were determined to cram in as many characters from the past as possible in the glorious, valedictorian final weeks of the show.

So there they all were. Karl and Susan Kennedy. Harold Bishop. Mike and Jane! Clive. Shane. Izzy. Des, immediately recognisable with his sticky-out ears. Toadie. And Paul.

Many of them have never left the soap, or have left and returned. It seems that Paul, in particular, has been busy since I last watched. He’s survived a brain tumour, been involved in money laundering, had a leg amputated, been held hostage, committed murder, served time in prison, and been the victim of attempted murder. Oh, and he’s been married six times.

The conceit of the last episode is that Toadie is getting married to somebody called Mel. It will, incidentally, be his fourth marriage. One of his wives left him, one was presumed dead (but actually returned 16 years later) and one died for real. You know, perfectly standard stuff for a chap in his early 40s.

Meanwhile, everyone in Ramsay Street has decided to sell their houses to developers, and are all moving on. So the wedding is also doubling as a farewell to Ramsay Street. You’d think they’d be thrilled to get out of the place. It’s a veritable death trap. Since 1985, 67 residents have died, with causes ranging from car crashes (so many car crashes) to three accidental shootings, three murders, a plane crash, a fire, and an explosion.

Nevertheless, this hasn’t stopped a lot of characters from taking their lives in their hands and dropping by to say farewell to the place. I won’t spoil the surprise by listing them, but the presence of Scott and Charlene (still sporting her dreadful perm) has already been advertised.

The wedding itself is a typically bizarre affair (Neighbours has shown a LOT of weddings, and none of them have ever been what you’d call normal). And the whole thing is utterly ridiculous.

And yet… is that something in my eye?

It’s also all handled rather sweetly. Mike and Jane, ravaged a little by life, still have feelings for one another. They tour all the houses in Ramsay Street one last time, and as they do so, their memories are shown in flashback form. There’s even a brief showing of the magnificent battle axe that was Mrs Mangel.

It’s not just their memories we’re watching. It’s my own. And, for many of you, yours. And the fact that all of the characters are now somewhat old and weather-beaten is merely a reflection of what’s happened to us all over the last 37 years.

So, the final ever episode of Neighbours is a festival of nostalgia. You don’t need to have been following it over the years to enjoy one last, emotional visit to Ramsay Street. It’s daft, over-the-top, sentimental, cheesy, and yet oddly moving. Which is pretty much as it’s always been.

Goodbye Ramsay Street. It’s been a blast.

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The best… and the rest:

Saturday 23rd July

Joe Lycett: Summer Exhibitionist, 8pm, BBC Two: A celebration of why people love making and creating art of all kinds. In the programme, Joe follows a fascinating mix of artists submitting to the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition 2022, the world’s largest open-entry art contest.

The Marvellous Maggie Smith: A Celebration, 9pm, Channel 5: Tracing Dame Maggie Smith's life from Ilford to the dizzy heights of Broadway and Hollywood, where she has become one of the most-loved stars of stage and screen.

Monday 25th July

Our next prime Minister, 9pm, BBC One: Sophie Raworth leads this debate between Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss, the final two Conservative hopefuls vying to be the next party leader - and the country's new Prime Minister.

Wednesday 27th July

The Great 1/10, 10pm, Channel 4: Return of the witty – and bawdy – drama about Catherine the great (Elle Fanning) taking the Russian throne. Having dethroned her husband Peter (Nicholas Hoult) she must now face the realities of 'liberating' a country that doesn't want to be free. Also starring Gillian Anderson.

Friday 29th July

Neighbours Made Me a Star: From Ramsay St to Hollywood, 10:05pm, Channel 5: Following the soap's final episodes, a tribute to the residents of Ramsay Street and the stars that Neighbours shot to fame. Aside from a look at Kylie Minogue (Charlene Mitchell/Robinson) and Jason Donovan (Scott Robinson), who returned for the finale, there are also profiles of Guy Pearce (Mike Young) and Margot Robbie (Donna Freedman). Plus, interviews with the cast and crew, including Stefan Dennis (Paul Robinson), Annie Jones (Jane Harris), Ryan Moloney (Toadie), Jackie Woodburne (Susan Kennedy), and Alan Fletcher (Karl Kennedy).

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