Dilemma: I fell in love on holiday – but now he's not interested

Katharine Whitehorn / 10 February 2016

A reader writes to agony aunt Katharine Whitehorn and wonders what went wrong with her holiday romance.

Dilemma: I fell in love in Thailand

A few years ago I met a man from Thailand. I fell in love with him and I'm still in love with him.

He wanted to marry me but I could not go to Thailand because of a family tragedy here in England.

Since then he has not phoned or contacted me. The last time I saw him, he said he liked me as a friend but never as my boyfriend or lover.

What do you make of his behaviour? I cannot sleep as I keep turning over in my head what I have done wrong.

Why would a man want to marry me and then turn his back on me? The older I get, I do not understand people.

Katharine Whitehorn's reply

I've no idea. He might have thought you had money, he might have wanted to settle in England and thought marrying a Brit would help, he might have preferred men but wanted a 'lavender marriage' for respectability.

Or he might just have been really hurt by your refusal, had got over it and simply didn't want to risk being hurt again.

There is no reason at all to think you did anything wrong – except say no.

You don't say exactly how long ago all this was, but nothing will be helped by brooding about it.

You ended you letter saying "the older I get, I do not understand people" – yes, I agree, other people are extraordinary; but there are plenty of varieties out there.

Why not try to find someone else, for example through Saga Dating?

Read our tips for dealing with rejection.

The opinions expressed are those of the author and are not held by Saga unless specifically stated.

The material is for general information only and does not constitute investment, tax, legal, medical or other form of advice. You should not rely on this information to make (or refrain from making) any decisions. Always obtain independent, professional advice for your own particular situation.