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How soon is too soon to contact a match (and other initial questions)?

28 September 2015 ( 18 May 2020 )

Find out when you should contact a match and the answers to other frequently asked questions in the world of online dating.

Online dating
Perplexed by online dating? Read our FAQ for the answers

So you’ve matched with someone who sparks your interest, but you’re not quite sure what’s supposed to happen next? We take a look at how soon is too soon to reach out to someone, and other nagging doubts that might be on your mind as you start your search for love using internet dating.

My match has disappeared with no explanation – where did they go?

Things seemed like they were all on track – maybe even leading up to a date – but with no explanation your current interest seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. This happens often to people of all ages in the world of dating and the sad part is, we rarely find out why. 

Maybe they got cold feet, maybe they met someone else and didn’t know how to tell you. Rejection is tough but don’t let it stop you trying again. Eventually, the right person will pop up and stick.

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How long should I wait to email someone after an actual date?

Sounding needy is always a concern for anyone new to online dating, especially if you’ve just met someone who’s blown your socks off. The truth is, there are no rules other than the ones we make ourselves and life is too short to play games. Maybe email the next day with a thank you note, but wait until you get a response before suggesting another date. If you can’t arrange another date within a few days, get back online and meet someone else. There's no need to wait around.

We’ve been dating a while but their profile is still up – why?

Don’t panic. Many times in this case your date is too caught up in you to have given much thought to the fact that their profile is still online. If it’s been over a month since your first date and things seem to be going well, perhaps try broaching the subject – ask if they consider your relationship exclusive or if they are still looking to meet other people. Honesty is always the best policy.

How soon is too soon to reach out to a new match?

It might be best not to jump straight into their inbox. If you’ve just matched, chances are you’re both still reading through each other’s profiles. Wait at least a day, decide what to ask them in your first message and then get typing. 

When you email, pick something they’ve mentioned in their profile and ask a question about it. This makes it easy for them to respond, and lets them know you’ve taken the time to read their profile.

Should the man give his phone number first, or is it okay for a woman to do it?

The old-fashioned among us would probably wait for a man to offer his digits first, but we live in modern times and if you’re a woman enjoying your email banter via an online dating site, why shouldn’t you suggest a phone call? Don’t be afraid to be proactive. Chances are your prospective love interest will be impressed that you’re taking the bull the horns and getting the ball rolling.

We had a good first date but there’s no chemistry. Should I go out with them again?

First dates can be nerve-wracking experiences and often when there’s no initial, sudden attraction, we assume there never will be. The truth is, it can take a few dates to get comfortable with someone new. If you had a nice time on the first date but didn’t feel any sparks, don’t assume the chemistry won’t appear on date two or three. 

Try to give love a chance to grow organically and over time you might start to feel differently.

For more information about online dating over 50, check out our online dating tips and advice for online dating


The opinions expressed are those of the author and are not held by Saga unless specifically stated. The material is for general information only and does not constitute investment, tax, legal, medical or other form of advice. You should not rely on this information to make (or refrain from making) any decisions. Always obtain independent, professional advice for your own particular situation.

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