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Is my wife having an affair?

Julia Faulks / 07 October 2015 ( 06 September 2019 )

We look at possible signs that your wife may be having an affair, and what you should do if you suspect cheating.

Husband suspicious of wife
A change in behaviour may have made you become suspicious about your wife

Unfortunately not every marriage has a happy ever after and infidelity can rear its nasty head unexpectedly. Here we look at how to cope if you’re worried that your wife is having an affair and how to approach the subject.

Nowadays, the sad truth is that it’s easier than ever to have an affair. With most people owning more than one digital device and having numerous social media accounts, the opportunity to play away from home can prove tempting for many.

Unless you catch your wife in the act, it can be hard to know for sure if there is anything untoward going on. If you are feeling suspicious or insecure, you have to ask yourself why you are feeling this way – is it because there are deeper issues in your relationship or are you affected by a past experience?

Is it an emotional affair?

Signs your wife may be having an affair

The important thing to note is that not every sign is a definite indication that your wife is having an affair. But in some cases you may find there is a lack of intimacy or lack of interest in hugging, kissing and touching. Otherwise it may be that your partner is over compensating because of feelings of guilt and doing the exact opposite.

“Lots of couples that I’ve spoken to over the years will say that they noticed a subtle change in the way that their partner is behaving. It might be that their phone that used to just be lying around is now always sitting in their pocket, they will take it into the bathroom with them or it will be on silent a lot more,” says Denise, a counsellor with Relate.

“When a relationship appears to be all hunky dory you may not have noticed any changes. But if you’ve got any inkling that a bit of distance has occurred, these subtle changes in behaviour can alert you to something else that is going on,” she adds.

How to approach your wife about an affair

Building up the courage to confront your wife – and finding the right time to do it – can be a daunting experience. You may be worried about how they will act, feel vulnerable because you are showing your insecurities, or ashamed at having to probe in the first place.

If you are going to go snooping then you have to be prepared for what you find, then think about what are you going to do if you do find something you don’t like.

There are ways you can approach someone without it immediately leading into an angry exchange. You may benefit from talking to a relationship counsellor or coach about how to do this. One way is to start off by talking about how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. Find out how a relationship counsellor can help your marriage.

“If you are not happy then you need to say something in your relationship. You might not fully understand what is making you unhappy but it can help to open up the conversation by saying that perhaps you’ve noticed you’re not talking as much, spending as much time together or making love the way you used to, then say ‘that bothers me, does it bother you?’” says Denise.


The opinions expressed are those of the author and are not held by Saga unless specifically stated. The material is for general information only and does not constitute investment, tax, legal, medical or other form of advice. You should not rely on this information to make (or refrain from making) any decisions. Always obtain independent, professional advice for your own particular situation.