How to handle that second date

Carol Dix

Setting up a second date is never easy. Read dating guru Carol Dix's tip for making sure it goes smoothly for everyone.

Agreeing to meet for a second date is low on the commitment rating. We might think, 'Why not meet again?' even if we haven't been struck blind the first time around. You might be game to meet because there's been a glimmer of interest. Or it could come from a feeling of friendship and 'no harm done'. A dinner date or an evening in the local wine bar is not a sign-up to matrimonial bliss.

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Second date text etiquette tips

It doesn't matter who is the first to make that approach. Many men will welcome the first move coming from a woman, to spare them the stress. It's common to rely on text messaging to take the strain.

Best not to send the message that first evening - along the lines of a breathless, 'Hi, it was wonderful to meet you. When can I see you again?' A puppy raising his overeager paws comes to mind.

Reading in-between the text lines

Some internet daters end the first date along the lines of, 'Shall we go away and think this over, then get back and say if we want to meet again?' I've always read that as a cop out way of saying, 'No thanks'.

Others might confess, as you graze each others' cheeks, 'That was nice wasn't it? Shall we do this again?' They get top marks for being more open and honest.

Second date pressure

Be very wary of putting too much pressure on a second date. One of the problems of internet dating is that much of it is conducted in semi-public. On some sites you might get to see your new interest back online soon after you parted, and that he/she is flirting in a way that is only too obvious to you.

Even if you recently agreed to a second date, do not start an angry email exchange accusing him/her of lying or deceiving you. They might be responding to new messages or catching up with former dates who have become good friends. Or they might be seeking out the next date. You have no way of knowing.

Don’t divulge too much personal info early on

A man I had seen two or three times sent me angry hurt emails headed, 'Why are you deceiving me?' because he could see that I was back on the same site where we'd 'met'.

It also emerged my 2nd/3rd dater had done internet tracking and found where I lived. The deep level of desperation and neediness, not to mention potential for being a crazed stalker, was rather evident.

I cut off all contact, stopped replying to emails and blocked his phone calls. Never divulge any personal information until you are sure of his/her real personality and character.

Second date blues

When you arrange to meet the second time, your inner needs and check-list might emerge even more strongly. You take a closer look and realise you're not sexually attracted to them. Or if you thought they were really smart and sassy looking, now on the second date you just don't like the way they speak. Our raised expectations can come crashing back down.

This phenomenon of 'second date blues' drives some daters crazy. But others put it down to experience and get back on with meeting new people.

The sex question?

Being a child of the swinging '60s, I hate to sound all mumsy but for women, at least, if you are looking for a lasting relationship then don't go to bed with a man for quite a while.

There are men, and women, who are just out for a good time and want to be part of all this rampant sexuality that's around. But having sex with strangers never was, nor will be, a good way of finding intimacy and trust. Unless!

You may happen by chance to have stumbled on Mr or Ms Right on the first date. There are times in this great and mysterious world when we do meet that person. So let go and indulge in some kissing and canoodling.

You'll know when it happens. That knee-trembling wonderful moment when you kiss and your two souls open up with wonder at the discovery of a fantastic new person in your life!

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The opinions expressed are those of the author and are not held by Saga unless specifically stated.

The material is for general information only and does not constitute investment, tax, legal, medical or other form of advice. You should not rely on this information to make (or refrain from making) any decisions. Always obtain independent, professional advice for your own particular situation.