Dilemma: my son doesn't want to marry the mother of his children

Jo Brand / 15 May 2017

A reader is concerned her son is not committed to the mother of his children, and worries that he is seeing other women.

Dilemma: my son is not committed to his relationship

My son is not married to the mother of his two children – my grandchildren – as he doesn’t want to have to look after her financially if they split up. He loves the children but seems uncommitted to her and, I suspect, sees other women. 

I really worry that he might leave her and she’ll be left without financial support and the children’s lives will be blighted. If I raise the subject of marrying her, he won’t talk about it.

Jo Brand's advice

How lovely to hear that the putative mother-in-law of the mother of her grandchildren (bit of a mouthful!) is concerned about the way that her own son is treating or may treat his common-law wife in the future. Many women seem unable to see their sons’ faults.

You are understandably upset by the way your son is treating his partner and, if you suspect him of seeing other women, he almost certainly is. It sounds as if he is leaving the door open ready to move on to the next woman when he feels like it.

I think it’s important to explore where this woman stands legally and I can’t help you on this. Go along to your local Citizens Advice or explore what her rights are online (at citizensadvice.org.uk), then you could give her some advice about making her situation more secure.

Attempts to chase men for a financial contribution once they have left a relationship are very difficult. But I must say your son’s girlfriend is very lucky that he has a mother who cares about her and the children’s future – and it’s so cheering to see women supporting each other in this way.

Hats off to you, madam!

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