Dilemma: my husband expects me to leave money to his daughter

Katharine Whitehorn / 15 July 2016

A reader is frustrated that her husband expects her to leave the house and money to his daughter from his first marriage.



Dilemma: my husband expects me to leave my money to his daughter

My husband had a daughter with his ex-wife who hasn’t worked for years. The daughter gets money from my husband and his ex-wife and also has housing benefit and income support. 

She has asthma which prevents her working, though I know several people with the condition who work. 

Above everything, my husband wants me to leave all my money and the house to her if he dies before me. I don't feel this is fair.

Katharine Whitehorn's advice

I don’t think all this is only about money. You don’t say much about what the relationship your husband has with his daughter is like; but unless she is exceptionally charming, which seems unlikely, a great deal of this must be about a general feeling of guilt about the breakup of his marriage. 

I can see why it enrages you, but I think you should try not to let it loom too large – not enough to affect, and spoil, your relationship with your husband. 

I suggest that in the name of diplomacy you make any complaints about all this in terms of what you and your husband need in the way of funds - not just that she is an undeserving cow. 

Nobody’s perfect, some husbands drink, some play around, some just sit on the sofa watching football, but if you stay married you cope – which means not letting your quite justifiable irritation about this affect your relationship too much. 

Never mind about leaving the house to her, you can easily alter your will once you’re on your own.

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