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Dilemma: crush on family friend

Katharine Whitehorn / 15 January 2016

Agony aunt Katharine Whitehorn hears from a reader who has become attracted to a friend, despite being happily married.

Woman tempted to have an affair
A reader has developed unwelcome feelings for a friend

Dilemma: attracted to family friend

I am happily married but I keep having urges for a very close family friend.

I’d like to take things further with an affair, but don’t want to hurt my husband. 

I know right from wrong, which is why I haven’t acted on my feelings for my friend. But inside, I feel as though I’m cracking up.

Katharine Whitehorn's advice

No, you’re not cracking up, but you could crack up a lot of lives quite easily. 

I know what you ought to do, and so, I rather think, do you: which is absolutely nothing.

Nothing at all. Such urges aren’t uncommon, but everything depends on what you do about them. 

I suspect most happily married people have the odd crush on other people from time to time, but they don’t necessarily last, and even when they do they can stay in the realm of dreams. 

It might help to steer clear of this man for a bit – if it can be done without making anyone wonder why.

Read our guide to understanding when a friendship crosses the line.

What our readers say...

We also asked our Facebook followers for their advice...

"Enjoy the emotion (May be your last) and then get a grip and go enjoy your husband."

"Nothing wrong with a bit of eye candy, however happiness thrives on stability!"

"Utterly normal..."

Follow us on Facebook to take part in our daily discussions.


The opinions expressed are those of the author and are not held by Saga unless specifically stated. The material is for general information only and does not constitute investment, tax, legal, medical or other form of advice. You should not rely on this information to make (or refrain from making) any decisions. Always obtain independent, professional advice for your own particular situation.

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