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Dilemma: My husband and I are isolated

Dawn French / 13 February 2020

A reader asks Dawn French's advice on convincing her husband to be more social with other people.

An older couple chat and enjoy each other's company

Dilemma: My husband doesn't think we need anyone other than each other

My husband and I never run out of things to chat about – he likes to boast that we don’t need anyone else!

We don’t socialise with other couples and I rarely go out without him, as he gets morose whenever I do. How can I tell my husband that I think it would do us good to expand our circle – together and separately – without hurting his feelings?

How to cope with jealousy in a relationship

Dawn French's advice

Firstly, how fantastic that you’ve both met someone you find so fascinating. A very real curiosity and genuine interest in each other will carry you a long way in your relationship. I think this strong foundation is the very thing that will help to withstand any difficulties this inevitable conversation will bring up.

As for ‘hurting his feelings’, I don’t think you can really do that – how he feels about this is his problem, so don’t make it yours. However, it is important to be sensitive in your response. So be honest but also hugely kind. That’s the key.

I suggest you have a frank conversation with him, gently but firmly telling him that you miss socialising with friends. Tell him how you feel and that you’d like to agree a solution. Come up with a plan that gives you opportunities to expand your circle of friends both together and separately.

Of course, if this doesn’t work and he sticks rigidly to his miserable old ways, you could invite a big gang of your loudest friends around to yours for a giant fancy dress karaoke disco, and offer him the chance to wash up if he doesn’t want to join in.

The opinions expressed are those of the author and are not held by Saga unless specifically stated.

The material is for general information only and does not constitute investment, tax, legal, medical or other form of advice. You should not rely on this information to make (or refrain from making) any decisions. Always obtain independent, professional advice for your own particular situation.

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